I was out driving yesterday. This was a good sign since I actually left the house to meet a girlfriend of mine for lunch, and had a solid 45 minutes each way. I listened to my music and took in the scenery in a world that hasn’t changed that much outside, but has changed tremendously for me.
I began thinking about my book. The book due soon that I haven’t really started.
As some interesting scenes began slinking their way into my subconscious, I heard the most amazing voice—a voice that has been glaringly absent from my life in the past two months—and I almost swerved off the road in pure surprise.
Then began to have this conversation:
Muse: Hey, I like that idea. Instead of making the father an asshole for the whole book, we can try to redeem him and that will open up this really interesting part of the hero to the reader and explore the themes of forgiveness. In fact, what if we—
Me: Mouth dropping open. Where the hell have you been? You come to visit me NOW when I’m going to lunch and doing some shopping? I finally gave up looking for you!
Muse: Geez, dramatic much? Maybe it was time I took my vacation instead of asking you for one, since you deny me all the time anyway. Can you believe the Jersey Housewives this season? I think Theresa’s book tanked and was it wrong of me to feel good about that? Probably, but I don’t care.
Me: Is that why I’ve been gorging on all seasons of every Housewife episode on Bravo this past month? And Project Runway? And Hallmark channel Christmas movies?
Muse: **filing nails** Hell, yeah. That’s what I like to do on my vacation. Nada. You liking the naps?
Me: No! Well, yeah, but this is not what sells books! Promotion and social media and writing and stuff sells books! We are not retired. Do you know we have a deadline in less than two months? How are we going to do this? We’ll need to really dig in and get this thing going –oh, my, God, I don’t even know if we can pull this off!
Muse: Listen up. You’ve chained me to your desk for the past few years, promising me less books per year, trying to tempt me by saying “oh, it’s only a novella – we’ll just whip one out!” I don’t’ whip shit out. Every book takes something from me. I’m tired and cranky. Plus, we just lost two people in the family plus Rockin’ Robert, and you may want to magically recover in a week but I don’t work that way. I want to write what I want when I want and lately I haven’t wanted to write at all. I want to eat all the Halloween candy and take naps and hang out.
Me: This is unacceptable!
Muse: Don’t care. Make it work.
Me: I cannot believe you are throwing Tim Gunn in my face.
Muse: Part one of the finale is this week, dudette! Aren’t you excited?
Me: Yes, of course, but please can’t we just do a little writing? Can we try? I mean, I wrote this whole writing book and it’s Nanowrimo and I’m not being the best role model right now.
Muse: Rolls eyes. Maybe. I’m kind of interested to see how this first meeting will play out since the heroine doesn’t know the hero is showing up at the Inn. And what about that big secret? How are you going to introduce that?
Me: I don’t know but I need you to find out.
Muse: I’ll think about it. For now, I gave you this blog to write to entertain your readers so don’t push me. Can we have a grilled cheese for lunch with sour cream and onion chips?!
Me: I’m supposed to be watching carbs.
Muse: Fuck that.
Me: Okay, fine, but I’m going to sit in front of the computer and try for at least half an hour. You can show up or not, but I’m not moving for at least half an hour, even if I write: all work and no play makes Jen a dull girl. We’ll take it real slow. Fair?
Muse: mutters grumpily. Maybe.
Right now? That’s good enough for me.
For all of you out there with cranky, fabulous, moody, talented Muses—I hope she bestows buckets of inspiration and behaves herself this month for Nanowrimo.
I am so happy I am not the only one with a cantankerous muse. 🙂
I love it! My muse likes to show up in the car or when I’m under a deadline at work. How is a girl supposed to get that book done? Good luck with your muse mine is taking a nap again.